Breakups: Seemingly the worst possible thing ever created; especially when this breakup is not leaning in your favor. That one person who knew the deepest parts of your heart, brain, soul. The one person who was such a light in your life, who lifted you up, made you feel beautiful inside and out. The one person who you thought would be there forever … can no longer be that person for you. It feels as if your whole world has been completely flipped upside down. The confusion, sadness, and anger can physically hurt your body. You get that pain in your chest and that lump in your throat driving to class when your favorite song you used to sing in the car together comes on. The tears don’t ever seem to stop coming, and the pain doesn’t seem to have any end in sight … please trust me that there is light in all of this darkness.
When breakups happen, it is so extremely easy to fall into a trap of “trash talking” yourself.
“Why wasn’t I good enough?”
“Why are you so stupid? You shouldn’t have brought up your feelings”
“Stop crying, you are being ridiculous”
“Maybe if you were prettier… smarter… skinner … less emotional”
There was a day where I realized that many of my friends were coming to me to vent about their breakups, and I was able to sit there and listen, comfort them, make them know that they were more than their past relationships had seemingly “defined” them to be. Then I realized that if I was able to do that for my friends, why was I not able to do that for myself? I started to pay attention to how I was talking to myself. If I talked to my friends the way that I talked to myself, no one would even want to be my friend. I decided to start actively changing the way I am talking to myself in my own head; using loving and supportive words, telling myself it was okay to feel the emptiness, that I am kind, beautiful, and have a big heart. Slowly I can feel myself becoming my own biggest fan again. Some days it is still hard to be kind to myself in my own head, but it truly is something that has to be practiced.
The more I have practiced being kind to myself in my mind, I am realizing that kindness is something that I crave. I’m starting to do things that create my own happiness; working out, painting, yoga, spending quality time with my family and friends, meeting new people and going to church. By doing all of these things, I can slowly (but surely) start to feel myself becoming obsessed with bettering and loving myself. After all, who can love you more than you?
The more I invest in myself, the more the hole in my heart has begun to fill. Learning to treat yourself kindly, and trust that God has a plan for you is a difficult process. It doesn’t come overnight. In fact, it is something that I will consistently be working on. However, please know that His love for you is so powerful that it is able to sustain you even on the days that you feel like you can’t love yourself. I am learning to accept one of my hardest breakups as a gift! A gift that God has given me to renew my love for myself in the midst of this valley. Although, the sadness, confusion, and pain still hits me in waves, learning to be kind to myself and trust in God, has not made this journey any easier… but it has made it possible. It has given me hope that my story will have a happy ending.
“Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we will ever do.” – Brene Brown
Written By: Carley, 21