Doesn’t that word just haunt us? It’s the view of yourself that you would never even think to relay to anyone. Something sometimes so deep down that you don’t wish to bring to the surface and talk about, yet so easily tell yourself over and over. The things that often flow through your mind as you look at yourself in the mirror and wish deeply to change.
Growing up with three older sisters, my insecurities ran rampant. We would compare ourselves to one another just tearing our own appearance down. Even though we are sisters we look different in many ways, our body types different, height different, hair different… let’s just say most things are different. Being the youngest I also realized I didn’t just compare myself to them, I envied them. In my eyes, they seemed prettier, thinner, and more petite in general. It was the things that for some reason, I could not see in myself, yet an outsider would laugh at these statements I am making. But that is the whole point, isn’t it! I could not see the truth in what I look like, my vision, a blurred sick description I have on repeat in my mind. We tend to all think this way, picking apart ourselves and many times trying to change them.
But it is all crap. You are beautiful, the way you look at this very moment. No makeup, natural hair, stretch marks, scars, cellulite… ALL BEAUTIFUL. Do not let the lies that you may be keeping captive control the way you see yourself. The way you look is a combo of all the people that came before you and the life you have currently lived. Do not hide those things, proclaim them to the world.
I state these things not only for you but to tell myself over and over again. It does not come easily to change your mindset on yourself, but you need to see the truth. As I walked into my first orientation with my modeling agency, I saw these views of myself rolling right back into my mind. I sat down looking around at all of the other models around me, just thinking, “why did they even choose me?” The women who were even close to my age were tall with long blonde hair and blue eyes. They were the epitome of what I had considered beautiful. Standing at 5’7” (which in the modeling world is short), dark brown hair, tan skin, brown eyes and most definitely a larger ass, you could say I felt like I didn’t belong. It was like all my insecurities were highlighted. And at that moment felt like I should not be there at all.
However, once I left and thought about everything, what I started to realize was, those very things which made me stand out from the others are the reason why I was picked. I looked different. Now, don’t mix around my words, those women are so beautiful and they have a unique beauty as well, but for me at that time, I just saw my own differences from them as issues in myself. The problem is not in what other people look like or what you look like but it is how we compare each other. Once you choose to compare yourself to someone else is when your own insecurities grow.
This mind game needs to stop because you aren’t supposed to be that other person, you were made to be you, so why would you compare it to someone who’s not you. We all bring a something different into this world. Different but beautiful.
Written By: Cora Aversion, founder of the blog